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"So this is not & your kid?" Gus's gaze flicked back and forth between her face and her abdomen. "No." Even though Mary sometimes felt as if it were. She had to keep telling herself she was not really this baby's mother or she'd become far too attached, and she knew it. "No," she said again. "It's Ruthie and Jeff's baby." She made herself say it. She said it every chance she got. "You're just & having it, and then you're giving it up?" "Yes," Mary said firmly. There was a long silence. Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html "So you're not& " He stopped. Swallowed. "There is no other& " He stopped again. He gave a shudder, like a dog shaking off cold water, then began grinning like a fool. "No other what?" Mary asked. But he didn't answer. He laughed. It was an odd, breaking laugh. "Well, damn," he said. Then, "How about that?" He laughed again. Mary watched warily. She didn't want Gus grinning like that. It did disastrous things to her insides especially to the inside of her brain. It made her remember happy times with him. Loving times. "Eatyour stew," she commanded gruffly. Still grinning, Gus did. * * * She was his again! His! His? Which meant what? Gus stopped shoveling in the stew and thought about that. Discovering that not only wasn't there another guy in Mary's life, but that a man hadn't even been responsible for putting the child in her belly, made him euphoric. Relieved beyond belief. It was as if he'd been on a bronc, spinning out of control, and had suddenly found the rhythm. The world stopped reeling and came into focus. Life seemed right again. Because Mary was in it. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed sitting across the table from her, how much he liked looking up to find her there. Which, again, meant what? TheM word nudged its way into his brain. He resisted. He'd been resisting even thinking about marriage for years. The only person he'd ever considered marrying had been Mary. And once that had panicked him, he'd never thought about it again. And now? The word nudged its way back in again. Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html This time he wasn't so quick to push it back out. He let it sit there. He forked up a little stew and carried it to his mouth; all the while he mentally circled the word.Marriage . Not right now, of course. He didn't reckon Mary would have him right now. He had some pretty serious fence mending to do as far as Mary was concerned. And he knew better than to make up his mind about something too quick. At least he thought he did. But then he looked up and saw Mary sitting across the table from him, a cup of coffee in her hands, and he liked what he saw. He liked how it felt having her there. It didn't seem nearly as scary as it once had. There had been plenty of years after he'd broken off their engagement when the very mention of the wordmarriage found him reaching to touch his neck to check for the noose. If he hadn't been ready to marry Mary, he sure as heck hadn't been interested in a long-term commitment to any of several dozen other women who wanted to take him home to mother. After so many years he hadn't really thought he'd ever be ready. He'd expected to go through life on his own. Footloose and fancy-free. Yet now, when he thought about it, being fancy-free wasn't all that appealing. And he couldn't feel any noose around his neck. He could swallow his stew perfectly easily. He thought again about sitting down across from Mary not just tonight but during every mealtime. He didn't feel any panic at all. In fact, it was downright appealing. Maybe he was ready for marriage. The sheer novelty of that notion choked him and made him start to cough. Mary leaped up and slapped him on the back and got him a glass of water, then hovered over him while he gulped it down. "Are you all right? Do you need more water? Can I get you anything?" Still gasping, eyes watering, he sputtered and shook his head, then cleared his throat. "N-no. I'm & I'm fine. I & it just & I swallowed wrong." He shot her a quick glance, wondering what she'd say if he told her. His life was worth more than that! No, he would have to take it slow and easy around Mary. He'd have to gentle her the way J.D. gentled a skittish horse. He couldn't expect her to welcome him back with open arms. But he wanted to come back. He wanted to find out if his panic was truly gone. He wanted to be part of her life again. He wanted her to be part of his. Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html "Do you need more water, Gus?" She was still hovering, still looking down at him worriedly. "What do you need?" It was an impulse, pure and simple. But he was on eye level with her burgeoning belly, and he said simply, "This," and he leaned forward and planted a kiss right on it. Mary jumped a foot. Then she scrambled away to the other side of the table, where she stood hanging on to the back of her chair, keeping both it and the table between them. "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded. Her cheeks were scarlet, her eyes like saucers as she glared at him. He slanted a grin up at her. "Just sayin' hi." "Well, it's not necessary!" Her knuckles were white on the chair back, and it looked like she was trembling. He figured it was probably the shock and not that she was displeased. He shrugged amiably. "I just wanted you to know I'm happy for you for him & or her and for Ruthie and Jeff." "Well, um, thank you." Mary still looked flustered. She still stayed away across the room from him. "Hey, I used to kiss you there, Mar'," Gus said gently. Mary's cheeks grew even redder, and she wrapped her arms across her body as if she were huddling behind them "That was a long time ago." Gus nodded gravely. "Too long." "Not nearly long enough." Then she gave herself a little shake and said, "I think you'd better go, Gus." "Aw, Mary. I wasn't tryin' to rile you. I just wanted you and that baby to know I was pleased." "I think you better go." She looked upset. He didn't want her upset. He didn't figure it was good for pregnant women to be upset. So he nodded and shoved away from the table and stood up. When he did so, Mary backed up even farther. He frowned. "I'm not gonna hurt you," he told her because for some crazy reason she was acting as if she was scared of him. She kept her arms wrapped across her belly. "No," she said with obvious determination. "You're not." Like it was a vow or something. He snagged his hat and set it on his head, then shrugged into his jacket. "It was real good stew, Mary. Thanks." "You're welcome." She didn't budge from behind the chair. He looked at her for a long moment. She was even prettier than he remembered. Vital. Vibrant. Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html Pregnancy agreed with her. He imagined her big with his child and the thought, far from making him panic, brought a grin to his face. "You look beautiful," he told her. She glared at him. "Go away, Gus." He kept on grinning, even as he nodded and headed for the door. "I'm goin'," he assured her. But I'll be back,he thought to himself as the door closed behind him. Because he wasn't drifting now. He wasn't aimless any longer. He had a goal again. Mary. * * * Damn him. Damn, damn, damn him. That was all Mary could think as she tossed and turned in bed that night. Usually the baby's kicks kept her awake, but the baby was uncommonly subdued this evening. Or maybe [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ] |